Essay/Term paper: Till death do us part

Essay, term paper, research paper:  Society

The status quo of marriage in American
society, in some cases, is a moderately
complicated issue. I do know, however, that
before the marriage takes place there is
an interlude called the dating period. In
this dating period the two members of the
couple attempt to get to know one another.
This is the period where many people fall in
love. This is also the period where many
people realize that they are with the wrong
person and have to start over with
someone new. The dating process, which
lasts for a sporadic interval of time, ends
when one person in the couple offers a
marriage proposal to the other. This
agreement to marriage is a sacred bond of
love and trust that proves to one's
significant other that one will enter into an
exclusive relationship with that person until
they are parted by death. If the marriage
proposal is accepted, the couple is
pronounced engaged, or betrothed to one
another, and they set a marriage date.
During the engagement the couple
exchanges rings as a sign of devotion. Once
the wedding date reaches its destination,
the couple then performs the marriage
ceremony, which is a gathering of close
friends and family to witness the marriage.
This ceremony is performed in a church at
the hand of a priest who then pronounces
the marriage as holy matrimony. During the
wedding ceremony there is another
exchange of rings that show a symbol of
the couples undying love for each other.
After the wedding, the couple usually
takes a trip called the honeymoon where
they consummate the marriage by making
love. This process is the norm for how
people are married in American society.

The problem with this system is that most
people enter into the marriage for the
wrong reasons and end up getting a
divorce. A divorce is a legal dissolution of a
marriage contract. The problem with
divorce is that the marriage is supposed to
be a contract that is supposed to last until
someone in the couple dies; only then is the
sacred vow broken. Otherwise, the couple
is going against God's will. Defying God is
not the only detrimental effect, however.
More marriages in the United States end in
divorce than in any other country in the
world, and it can be seen throughout
America's history. There is consensus that
the overall U.S. divorce rate had a brief
spurt after World War II followed by a
decline. It started rising again in the
1960's and even more quickly in the
1970's, but leveled off in the 1980's only
to begin a fluctuating increase that has
lasted to the present. It is said that 40 or
possibly even 50% of marriages will end in
divorce if the current trends continue.
Divorce would not be such a terrible thing
if the effects were not so negative.
Divorce greatly increases, two- or
three-fold, the incidence of all kinds of
sinister effects on children of divorced
families, including psychological problems,
juvenile delinquency, suicide, ignorance, and
teen motherhood. Problems arise from
conflict during and after divorce more than
from conflict during the marriage.
Problems persist into early adulthood and
affect the marriage and mating choices of
children of divorce. Also there is much
stress over divorce. Adults and children
are at a much more increased risk for
mental and physical problems due to
marital distress than if they were not to
have a divorce at all. The double threat of
marital conflict and divorce has led to a
generation of U.S. children at great risk
for poverty, health problems, alienation,
and antisocial behavior.

I believe that the cause of marriages
ending in divorce is the fact that many
marriages are not entered into in good
faith and that many people are married for
the wrong reasons. Many people believe
that love is the key factor for a marriage
to work. Well, that simply is not true.
Merely loving someone is not going to make
their marriage work. The person that they
are marrying has to be good for them
socially and financially for the long-term.
In other words, when two people are being
married they should be able to support and
stimulate their mate mentally and
physically for the duration of their
marriage; otherwise, there is no point in
being married. Also, some people marry
someone just for some physical commodity
that cannot be the basis for a marriage.
Examples of this happen all the time, like
when a woman marries a man for his money
or vice versa, and when people are married
just because the sex is great. Things such
as these do not produce a lasting marriage,
and the main reason that people continue to
do this is that they do not understand what
effect it is going to have. Americans are
blind to the fact that they need to have a
stable relationship in order to have a
stable marriage.

From all of these things stated so far, a
hypothesis can be formed. My hypothesis
asseverates that the problem is that most
marriages end in divorce, divorce causes
serious detriment to the divorcees and
their children, and the cause of divorce is
that people are negligent to what is
necessary to maintain a lasting marriage.

According to me there are two simple
solutions to the problem of overwhelming
divorce. The first one is a similar version of
what Sir Thomas More uses in his book
Utopia. In Utopia More states that before
a couple is married, each person is shown
naked to the other so that if there is
something on one person's body that the
other cannot live with then the marriage
can be nullified. In my theory I believe that
before the marriage actually takes place,
each person should bare their souls to the
other. Sometime before the marriage, each
person should take the other into a private
room where only they will be able to hear,
and then they should tell each other every
single aspect of their lives. This includes
personality, characteristics, favorite
foods, goals in life, how many kids they
want to have, income, future aspirations,
number of previous relationships, history
of mental illness, family history, etc. Each
person should not only tell the other
everything about themselves, but
everything that they like and dislike about
their mate. Honest is the key. If one
person is not totally and brutally honest
with the other, then the theory will not
work. Lie-detector tests, personality test
and the like may be used during the
process. If any one person finds out
something about their mate that they
simply cannot live with, then the marriage
can be nullified without feelings of grudge
or blame. If at any time the party that
broke-off the wedding has a change of
heart, and as long as the other person
agrees, then the marriage can be resumed.
The second solution that I advocate is that
the couple wait a while before they are
married, especially if they are young. If
the couple was dating for four years, then
they should try being engaged for maybe
another year. The best way to spend the
engagement time is to live together. If the
couple lives together before the marriage,
then they can find out what it is like to have
a mate around them every minute of every
day. They can also find out what habits
their mate has that they like and dislike.
This way they can learn to live with the
habits that they do not like before they
enter into the marriage. If for some
reason the couple cannot even live together
before being married, then that is an
obvious sign that they should not be
married.

The reason that my solution will work is
that it is sensible and it is able to be done
without much affliction. People will embrace
my theory because people like the idea of
honesty. They want to know everything
about the person they are going to be
spending the rest of their lives with just as
their mate wants the same, and my solution
is the way that it can be done. Statistics
show that many more couples live together
prior to marriage now than in the past. As
many as 60+% of the population advocates
this theory, and 85% of those people go on
to be married and end up staying married.
The reason that this works is that these
people are finding out what it is like to be
married before they are actually married.
If the person that they are with is not the
right one, then they will realize this and will
be able to move one to someone else who is
the right person. If executed properly, my
theory cannot and will not fail. The
marriages will begin to last and it will take
effect on their children, who will grow up
to lead more successful and fulfilling lives.
If my theory is advocated, then a lasting
marriage is inevitable.